Red Burtts Place

My Photo
Location: Maine, United States

ATTENTION: Print some of my Blogs up for your children, tell them to take them to school and have their teacher read them aloud to the whole class. To read some of my longer stories click on “VIEW MY COMPLETE PROFILE” at the end of this message then under My Blogs Click On “Red Burtts Storys". Save it if you wish in your favorites, I may be writing about you someday. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ E-Mail Me At

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Xmas Greeting, Say It The American Way

The liberal sore losing democrats for the last few years have a new agenda, they don't want you to say "Merry Christmas", they prefer, "Happy Holiday", well they can shove their "Happy Holiday" bullshit.

When you watch "Cute Perky Katie" show you her Gums and flutter her eyelids, then softly gush, "Happy Holidays", quietly say to yourself, "up yours Katie", then say out loud, "Happy birthday Jesus H. Christ". If that offends the Illegal Aliens or the Arabs, or any other of the Bed Wetting Democrats Friends, TOUGH SHIT.

If what I am about to say offends you, TO BAD, this is America, we call it Christmas and always have.

Author: Red Burtt

Jesus It Happened


I knew it wouldn't be long, the phone rang this morning and it was her, my wifes sister. I answered the phone, she won't talk to me because she knows I voted for Bush, she said, "ca,ca,ca, can I ta,ta,ta,talk to m,m,m,my sister", I couldn't get off the phone fast enough, my wife took the phone and my sister in law gave her the news.

She pissed her pants yesterday in Wal Mart.

She wrote a letter to the White House and told the President Of The United States Of America that she pissed her pants in Wal Mart and that it was his fault.

I hope she doesn't "shit herself", she will be blaming Dick Cheney for that.

What sore losers these "Neo Libs" are.
Author: Red Burtt

Monday, November 29, 2004

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Alexander The Great (Viet Nam)

OLIVER STONE, Scummy Hollywood Director:
One of the biggests "Anti American" "Left Wing Liberal" "New Democrats" in "Rotten Hollywood"

This guys whole career and life has been dedicated to "Ranting And Raving" about the Viet Nam War, he dreams of "conspiracy's" while he is awake.

Oliver "ding dong" has made a new movie about the life of Alexander The Great.
How in the name of God will Oliver Stone be able to TRASH Nixon, Reagan, And Bush in a movie about Alexander who lived and died hundreds of years ago......(I bet he does it though).

Alexander came to Nixon one night in a dream and told him to, "BOMB HANOI"

Oliver Stone, And The Tub Of Shit Michale Moore, Should Get Married.
Author: Red Burtt

Saturday, November 27, 2004

Pass The Peas Please

The following is not intended to be Anti Democrat, Insensitive Or Racist, it is a true story that I have written in my own words. IT HAPPENED.

Well, you Liberal Democrats better grab your picture of Mike Dukakis then run and hide under your bed. I am going to, God forbid “Stereotype”, I know how you all hate that word, but I know you always try to "stereotype" yourselves as much as possible when your are speaking of an insensitive, cruel, patriotic Neo Con Republican, but, this is what happened, and I bet I’m right.

Thanksgiving dinner at Senior Amigo Jose Gonzales house up in Worcester Mass. “here comes the stereotype”, I am assuming these people were, “Oh Jesus forgive me” ILLEGAL ALIENS.
Phil Donahue, Cute Perky Katie, Hillary and “Rodent Face” Dan Rather all good kind caring Democrats call them “Undocumented Persons”, isn’t that nice, “tee hee, gush, fawn and splutter”

OK, it’s dinnertime with the Gonzales, mamma Gonzales gets everything on the table; the Tequila is flowing like buttermilk, Gracias, Si, oh boy.

Then it happens, one of Jose’s relatives named Jesus, who happened to arrive in the middle of the night and hasn’t eaten in three days reaches across the table and starts picking at “Tom Turkey’s” breast with his fingers. Ha’chee WaWa, mother of God. Jose screams at Jesus, calling him names and telling him to use a knife to cut Tom up.
Well Jesus uses the knife all right, Jesus grabs the carving knife and dives across the table at his Uncle Jose, the other guests scatter, the women run for the kitchen, all but Jose’s wife Carmine, she grabs a two foot carving fork and jumps in, the turkey is now on the floor, gravy is all over the walls, Salsa is in Jose’s hair, and Jesus is swinging his knife around like a wild man, Carmine gets behind him and rams the fork into his right kidney, Jesus slips in the pumpkin pie that is spread all over the floor and falls. Now Jose has him where he wants him, he kicks Jesus in the head while Carmine gives him another good jab in the neck with the fork, she pulls but the fork won’t come out, it is imbedded in Jesus’ neck. Jesus passes out.

The family argument is over in minutes, Jesus lays on the floor bleeding from his kidney with a carving fork sticking out of his neck, Jose has one ear cut off and is covered with blood and mashed potatoes, Carmine has a broken nose and her left breast is hanging out. The children and the other women are in the kitchen screaming, the family dog lay dead under Jesus who fell on him crushing his skull.
The Thanksgiving Dinner was now all over the ceiling, the walls and the floor.

The guests went home, the Gonzales all went to the hospital; they had no identification, no insurance, no green card, but they all had a FREE DRIVERS LICENSE that the United States Government had issued to them. They didn’t even have to take a test. (None of them know how to drive)

You think this is something, Christmas is right around the corner, thats when the real battles start.
"Hang on to your tree".

“Dear Lord” “Thank you for this food and the warmth of family and friends” “Thank you for Plymouth Rock”
Author: Red Burtt

Friday, November 26, 2004

Break-in At The Royal Cat House

Monica Lewinsky broke into "Our Bill" Clintons new Library (Cat House) and hung her "BLUE DRESS" in the lobby.

1998 The White House 2:00 AM:
The phone rings:
Rinnnnnnnnnnng, ding a ling.

"Hello, Oval Office, This Is The President Speaking, I Am The Commander In Chief""
"Hi Bill, its me", (heavy breathing)
"Guess what I'm doing Bill"
"Oh Jesus what Monica"
"You know Bill, tee hee"
"Oh my God Monica, tell me, tell me" "grunt, gasp wheeze, BANG, pow, drool, squeal, Arrrrrrrrrggghhhhhhhh JESUS CHRIST ALL SHITTIN MIGHTY" "MOMMY"
"Oh Monica"
"Goodnight Bill"

"Hi Daddy"
"Oh, hi Chelsea"
"Who was that you were screaming at on the phone Daddy"?
"Yasser Arafat"

There's A Bright Golden Haze On The Meadow

Oh Please Forgive Us

December 7 is right around the corner, Pearl Harbor Day. Each year we have to listen to many Leftie, Liberal, Organic Onion Eating, New Democrats Whine, Sob, Blubber and Whail.

These bed wetting “Blame America” morons actually want us to say to the world that we are, “SORRY THAT WE WON WWII”
Author: Red Burtt

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Tell The Truth Now

Have you ever killed yourself..??

Why Do They Thank The Weatherman

Your local TV weatherman, lets say his name is Rodney Windoff, he has a pretty young girl sitting beside him who delivers your local news each evening, her name is Thelma Korassky.

Make sure you watch these two the next time a big storm is headed your way.

Thelma starts first, she will tell you all about the SUV that attacked a group of Nuns on a street corner killing them instantly, then she will tell you about the Right Wing Red Neck Gun Nut that came home from a hunting trip and drowned three of his children then disemboweled his wife’s mother, then she will somehow try to connect all this mayhem to GW Bush or Ronald Reagan (even though he’s dead), she then ends this segment by telling us all how handsome John “Fonda” Kerry looked in his “home movie” with his gun, hunting down the enemy in the jungles of Viet Nam, she will look very sad when she is forced to mention that, Kerry Lost.

Now to the weatherman, Rod, (as Thelma calls him) there is a two day “killer blizzard” headed our way and Thelma goes from her “funeral parlor look of sadness” after telling us all about these Republican Neo Con murders and atrocities to a mood of sheer delight, she says, “now lets have a look at our local weather with Rodney Windoff” she then gushes, “hi Rod, looks like we will be needing our boots and shovels eh” “tee hee giggle giggle, fawn and swoon”, there is a snow storm coming that may kill ten or twenty people, put the power off for three days and bury the whole city and this little fool is slobbering, squealing and spluttering trying to make snow shovel jokes.

Rodney Windoff now starts twitching and babbling about how many people this storm killed out in Chicago, then the scene goes to “Rods Map”, all of a sudden, BANG, Rod jumps in front of the map with his little clicker, he scares the shit out of thousands of viewers, dogs run out of the living room for the safety of the kitchen.

Rod is all wound up now, he has been waiting all day for this, he is jumping up and down, flapping his arms all over New York State and Vermont, he is even drooling, (he may even have an erection) then he tells us all about the horrors we can expect in the middle of the night.

This lasts for about five minutes, Rod looks as though he has climaxed, he is breathing heavily, and then, Thelma takes over.

Thelma has a bigger grin on then Rod did, she screams, “OH THANKS ROD”, got that, she thanks him, what in the name of Christ is she thanking him for. Why do they "THANK" the weatherman, what the hell did he do for us???

Watch the news tonight, you all have these Thelma’s and Rod’s in your home town, they introduce the weatherman with “umbrella and raincoat jokes” then treat him as though he was “Jesus”, when he is done telling you that you and your family may die tonight in a blizzard, THEY THANK HIM.

Why do they thank the weatherman, does he make the sun come up??


Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Vaseline And Eggbeaters

While sitting in my chair this morning thinking about all the people in Bangladesh that have fly’s walking around on their faces I noticed a young White Male Yuppie being interviewed on Television. The thing that drew my attention to this sap was his “Hair”, his hair was styled in what I assume is the latest thing in “Hot Hair”, Jesus Christ.

This pretty boy dork looked as though he had rubbed a whole jar of Vaseline into his head and then used an electric “egg beater” to comb his hair. He looked like he had just come face to face with Barbra Streisand in a dark room, his damn hair was standing up like little blades of grass.

When I was young, I had a Pompadour, like the Fonz.

There was a women that lived in my old neighborhood (Greasy Village Cambridge Ma) that had hair all over her body, even in her mouth. She used to come into the Village Spa where we all hung around during the summer with a white "tank top" on and no Bra, she would eat doughnuts and drool at the same time, her husband would be with her, he was bald, they had no children. I don't know what ever became of them.

Hair is a pain in the ass.
Author: Red Burtt

Monday, November 22, 2004

Diarrhea Face

Scott Peterson.
Will they ever stop talking about this scummy dirtbag, slop crap, swine.

I read in the paper some time ago that a man in a housing project in Chicago shot his wife, shot his mother inlaw, threw his eight month old child out the window, (they lived on the 6th floor) then cut his dogs head off.
This story was on the same page as the used cars, the next day it was gone.

Are any of you people that come on here and read my crap really interested in that "creep" Scott Peterson.??????

Some of these "smut reporters" that have been babbling and spluttering for six months on TV about "Laci And Scott" look as though they are going to have Orgasms, live and in color right on the evening news whenever they mention his name.

When the verdict was announced there were hundreds of "Scott Watcher Morons" hanging around the court house, they are the same type of people that think Oprah Winfrey is really the "Virgin Mary".

Is it any wonder there are people that want to blow us all to kingdom come.

Junior And His Mom:
"Mommy, whats that big fat bastard doing in that dumpster"
"Shhh, don't look dear, thats Michale Moore", "thats where he goes when he has to do Poopy Poop"
"Why Mommy"??
"Because his toilet is to small dear"

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Crazy Republican SUV's

A Right Wing Neo Con Republican SUV went crazy up here in Maine this morning, this is how the little "Pasty Faced, eye twitching" granola eating CBS liberal news anchor reported it.

"At 6:00 AM this morning an SUV traveling at 70-mph in Windham side swiped three parked cars, knocked down a stop sign and then tore through the wall of a single family house, the SUV then crashed into the kitchen of this home destroying everything in the room. The residents awoke to find an SUV in their kitchen, they ran for their lives".
Not one word about the drunk that was driving it from this little liberal leftie.

There was another one two days ago, this is how it was reported by the liberal media, "An SUV smashed thru a fence today and wound up in six feet of water in a lake, the passenger was pulled to safety. This damn Republican SUV tried to drown the driver.

These two SUV's know the liberals hate them, so they snapped, one tried to destroy a Democrats house, the other one tried to drown a Democrat. You Kerry people better watch out for these SUV's.

Johnny Kerry has an SUV, but he says it isn't his. :lol: :lol: Typical Kerry, "I voted for the war before I voted against it"

Did you ever hear a liberal news person say, "A sedan mowed down several people at a bus stop this morning"

One SUV to another, "Hey, hows your gas" "I'm half full", "Good, lets go kill a couple of dogs"

Saturday, November 20, 2004


When a man reaches a certain age he seems to be more content in quiet surroundings, he is now retired, the noise of the workplace are gone, the children are grown and gone, the barking dog is dead, this man has earned the right to live out his life in a peaceful quiet dignified manner.

I am such a man, but I have a problem, I have a wife that makes noise.

This women will get up out of her chair in the middle of a movie, she will go out into the kitchen to heat tea water in the microwave, then it starts, the sounds coming from that kitchen can be heard for at least two miles away. She slams the drawer open, then she slams it shut, she slams the microwave door shut, then she opens a drawer to look for a spoon, instead of gently selecting a spoon, she rummages, then she slams the drawer shut again, when the water is heated she grabs the cup causing the microwave turntable to come off it's runner, the noise she makes trying to get it back in place is unbearable.
Now she heads for the refrigerator, she grabs the door and yanks, everything in the door rattles, on top of that she always drops something loudly on the floor, then she curses. When she returns to the refrigerator she slams the door so all the things on top of the refrigerator shake and many times fall.
When our cat was alive and saw my wife headed for the kitchen this cat would race upstairs to escape this noisy horror. (This cat died of a heart attack, right on our kitchen floor).

Well the tea is made, she now heads back into the living room to watch the movie, every muscle in my body is twitching, my right leg is trembling, my nose is running and I have urinated in my pants.
"There will be peace in the valley, some day"
Author: Red Burtt

It's All Over

It's time to talk of other things, "Fonda" Kerry, the little "Critter" he is married to, his Ketchup, his money, his SUV's, his Skis, his "Home Movie" in the jungle, his Medals and his Surfboard are all fading into oblivion. Barbra Striesand has been Constipated since Nov 2nd, Susan Sarandon stabbed her Dog to death, Whoopi Goldberg never mentions her Genitals anymore, Uncle Teddy was seen waddling around Cape Cod naked, talking to himself, Tommy Dasshole is heavly medicated and on a "suicide watch".
Liberal New Democrats (old time democrats are no more) all across America are seeking therapy, they don't know what hit them.

Ann Richards, Al Gore, Taliban, Saddam, Hollywood, Kerry, Uncle Teddy and many more, they all laughed at "Little George" thay called him a "dummy".

The Dummy, now sits in the Oval Office, grinning, he left them all laying in the dust.......
GW Bush mumbles a lot, liberals make fun of his mumbling, he is now mumbling, "Whos Next".

No more politics on here, I have other earth shattering things to talk of.
Author: Red Burtt

Friday, November 19, 2004

Democrat Media Trashes One Marine

This is a good way to "Bash Bush". The liberal News Media has been blubbering about the Abba Dabba Prison Dog Leash shit for months, now they have a new one, a lone poor US Marine that shot a Terrorist when he was down, oh Jesus, stop the war, we have a murderer in the US Marine Corp. George Bush should be impeached over this, his dog should be shot in the Rose Garden, American Marines are animals.
Have the dirtbags in the liberal media watched the "Beheading Pictures Latley" they don't want you or I to see them, but they have been showing the Marine picture over and over for a week now.

Another Killing In Iraq:
Where is all the outrage over the poor little "do-gooder" women from England that the Savage Terrorist Dogs shot in the brains while she was "wimpering squealing and sobbing" for her family. The Terrorists put her down on her little bony knees and blew her brains out.
The American Left Wing Liberal news media put this story on page 670, for one day.
This story of the skinny little women being slaughtered might make some
americans say to themselves, "maybe Bush is right", we better kill these bastards before some of them come to Chicago and blow our brains out.
No, we can't have that, Dan Rather and Cute Perky Katie don't want us showing any support for the "Hated Bush". So, they will continue to deamonize this one poor young American Marine, they will destroy him, all because of their Hatred for GW Bush.

The United States Marines have to fight by the rules. The Terrorists don't.
Scum Live Among Us.
Author: Red Burtt

Friday, November 12, 2004

Ashes To Ashes Dust To Dust

Yasser Arafat Croaked:
Those screaming animals over in Palestine really know how to hold a funeral don't they. For fifteen minutes these lunatics "LOST" the casket in the crowd.

Imagine how many of them Pissed in their Sheets, ten million screaming, ranting. "missing links" and not a Porta Poti in sight.

I wonder if Jimmy"Sissy"Carter attended the "services", he was all broken up at the passing of Arafat, Jimmy was blubbering on TV about what a great advocate for peace Arafat was, but of course Jimmy lives in his own little gooey world. If Jimmy did attend the "Riot" he is probably laying in the dirt under a donkey somewhere.
These savages funerals look like a "Fish Concert", remember Ayatollah Kohmeni, they had one of these stampedes for him too, his body fell out of the coffin and the "mourners" were stepping on his face.

I love it when they pull their own hair out and beat themselves up with their belts.

After watching the "State Funeral" for Yasser Arafat I am more than ever convinced that we should never stop looking in peoples sneakers at our airports (whether the democrats like it or not)
Author: Red Burtt

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Phony Democrat Girls

GW Bush destroyed the Taliban---GW Bush destroyed Saddam The Butcher and his Demented Sons.

These people wouldn't let their women out of the house unless a man was with them---These people wouldn't let a women drive a car, they wouldn't even allow them to ride in the front seat--These people wouldn't allow their women to hold a job--These people made their women cover their faces in public. These people cut their wives heads off if they "kissed" another man.

GW Bush Set Them Free.

Where are the double standard, two faced, biased, phony American FEMINIST BASTARDS..
Why are they not heaping praise on the man that FREED their SISTERS, I, Red Burtt will tell you why. "BUSH IS NOT A BED WETTING LIBERAL DEMOCRAT", that is why.

There was another worldy event where they remained silent also. Remember "Billy Blue Dress". Sure you do, "Our Bill", he used the little female shit head that emptied his waste basket as his own personal little piece of meat. The President Of the United States Of America used to play with himself under his desk in the Oval Office while having "phone sex" with this little slut at 2:00 AM.

Where were the "Girl Cops" (NOW). These two faced bastards said nothing, "Our Bill" was a democrat.

The American feminist movement has lost all it's credability, they are now seen for what they are, a pack of shrieking, screaming idiots.

I wish I could make my wife ride in the back seat.

Author: Red Burtt

"Hey Clyde, tell your wife to cover her face" "Jesus what a dog"

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Wheel Chairs

All you poor souls that are confined to Wheel Chairs are in big trouble, the Handsome little sneaky lawyer with the pimple on his lip I think his name was "Edwards", claimed that if the War Hero, "Fonda"Kerry won the election that you would all be "up and running" in no time, well, bad news folks. "KERRY LOST"

"Fonda" Kerry is sitting in his Billionaire Pent House on Beacon Hill in Boston with Teresa watching his "Home Movie", he has his medals pinned on his Tee Shirt and a portrait of Jane Fonda hangs over the fireplace. Teresa sits by his side, brushing her hair out of her face and she keeps mumbling, "shove it, shove it, shove it".

Pretty Boy Edwards, the man that revealed that Kerry had the power to make you rise and walk away from your Wheel Chairs headed south, he will now continue to make Millions suing people and scratching his pimple.

God Bless you Wheel Chair people, don't throw that "Handicap Card" away yet.

Watch how fast the name, "Kerry" fades from the news and the publics mind.

A "Surfboard" will again just be something young people play with at the beach. Viet Nam will return to where it belongs, in the History Books.

Kerry said he hated the Viet Nam War but he sure did a lot of bragging about being in it.


Author: Red Burtt

Monday, November 08, 2004

I have to go to the bathroom

If human waste ever becomes of value, poor people will be born without rectums.

Kerry's Holywood Wife Swappers.

It is a wonderful grand and great feeling to wake up in the morning, stretch, yawn, then scratch anything that itches and realize that out in the depraved land of Hollywood the likes of “Rotten Whoopi” “The Shrieking Bitch Striesand” “Face Lift Cher” and “Foul Mouth Pig” Rosie O’Donnell are all on the verge of nervous breakdowns.
These degenerates are slowly coming to realize that they HELPED George W Bush get re-elected to be our President for the next four years.

The American people are disgusted with these Actors and Clowns and the garbage they feed our children. The fact that they, the arrogant purveyors of immorality, the anything goes dirt bags, may be in large responsible for re-electing the man they so hate is driving these millionaire liberals insane.
Their vulgarity and their blatant hatred that they publicly displayed toward the President of the United States, George W Bush drove many Americans to "Vote Bush"

Many have ruined their careers with their Anti American, Bush Hating bullshit.
Susan Sarandon can’t get fifteen people to go and watch one of her “crap” movies, Sean Penn has become a skinny foul mouth nasty little creep, their hatred for GW Bush “backfired” on them.

Some of them threaten to leave America, who the hell cares, good riddance, but as you will notice, none of them leave.
“Shit Face” Robert Redford claimed he was moving to Ireland if Bush won, the Irish said, go somewhere else, we don’t want you, so he is staying. The “Tub Of Shit” Michael Moore said he was headed for France, he also said he was going to “take a bath” if Kerry won, but nobody has seen him since the election, maybe he climbed into a dumpster and slipped into a coma.

“Face Lift Cher” went into hysterics when the war hero, John “Fonda” Kerry called President Bush and conceded.
Before the election Cher had gone down to Rodeo Drive in her Limo and bought a brand new Garter Belt and a Red G-String that said "Kerry" on it.
It seems the queen of plastic surgery had a big “Hollywood Sex Party” all planned, it was to be a three day “Drug And Orgasm Binge” “Tub Of Shit Moore” had planned on taking his Bath at this party and have it filmed for his new “Shit Movie”.

The VIP GUEST of this “Hollywood Orgy” was none other than “Uncle Teddy Kennedy” himself, the Chappaquidick Life Guard, he was supposed to waddle in wearing a “Vote For Kerry” tee shirt and a Michael Moore baseball hat.
After several Vodka Martinis and a couple of Joints, Uncle Teddy and Madeleine Allbright were going to Copulate on top of “Wax Face” Cher’s piano while Whitney Huston snorted coke and sang “We Shall Overcome”. Hillary Clinton and Janet Reno had planned to make a “Porno Movie” out in the pool to the music of D Diddy Daddy Suck Dop.

Susan Sarandon was going to come in costume, dressed as a Condom. Robin Williams was going to wear a “God Sucks” tee shirt…..

Then, “oh Jesus” something happened to spoil this “gathering of the scum” ----GEORGE W BUSH WON—

When the news spread that the “Left Wing War Hero” had lost the election these “Sodomites” were shocked, how could it be possible. How dare the American People do this to us, we will all pack up and leave the country, we will show them.

Hollywood still doesn’t get it, they themselves helped Bush win, just by supporting John “Fonda” Kerry.

Rodney King once said, “Why Can’t We All Get Along”, then he went home and broke his wife’s legs.

Author: Red Burtt