Another Flying Tale:
More real life stuff, yesterday somewhere in the skies over America a Plane was on it’s way to Las Vegas, the passengers were quiet, some were sleeping, the old ladies on the plane were day dreaming of “Slot Machines”, the young men on the plane were day dreaming about the cocktail waitress they were going to bring back to their room with them, the young women were day dreaming about the “Old Man With Money” they were going to bring back to their room with them, the Pilots were day dreaming about the new Flight Attendant they were going bring back to their room with them, then it happened, “Turbulence”.
Turbulence isn’t a big deal today with the flying public it happens many times, but, today was different, something happened on this flight that these frequent flyers won't soon forget.
This is a true story, it was printed in the “Drudge Report” but not many of the other news outlets picked up on it. Don’t start laughing at the “Drudge Report” without Drudge we never would have heard about Monica or her Blue Dress.
It seems the flight attendant on the plane shouldn’t have been a “flight attendant”, several seconds after the first jolt of turbulence hit another one immediately followed, a “big one”, well the “Come Fly With Me Girl” dropped her coffee cups and started screaming “WE'RE GOING TO CRASH” "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE”, she then started to run up and down the aisle screaming louder, “DEAR GOD, WE’RE GOING TO CRASH, HELP, WE ARE CRASHING”.
Can you just imagine being on your first plane ride headed for your dream vacation that you have been planning for the last three years and saving your money to spend in Vegas drinking from a tall glass with a little umbrella in it and suddenly you have this maniac in a uniform running by your seat yelling that you will be dead in a few minutes, Jesus H Christ, I’m glad I don’t fly.
These Flight Attendants are trained to make sure you have an oxygen mask in case of an emergency, well this screwball wasn’t going to forget her training, she started grabbing oxygen masks and throwing them all over the plane, she was yelling, “PUT THESE ON WE'RE GOING TO CRASH”, the passengers were screaming, praying, crying and fainting.
Finally word got to the Captain that there was a riot in progress on his aircraft, the Co-Pilot came racing onto the scene, the Flight Attendant was still throwing Masks around, several people had vomited onto the person sitting in front of them, there were unconscious people on the floor and still the Flight Attendant was screaming “WE ARE GOING TO CRASH GOD HELP US”.
The Co-Pilot grabbed “The Maniac” and rushed her into the cockpit and closed the door.
The turbulence stopped, the sun came out, the movie came back on, it was quiet except for a few sobs and muffled voices that were saying “Our Father Who Art I Heaven”.
Now many of these people had to go to the bathroom, but there was another problem, they couldn’t get the bathroom door opened, finally the remaining Flight Attendants managed to force the door open, there stood a man, he was crying, his pants were down around his knees, there was Feces all over the walls, he said, “I couldn’t get out, the door wouldn’t open, I heard somebody yelling that we were crashing and we all were all going to die, I couldn’t control my Bowels, I shit all over the wall.
“Coffee Tea Or Me”
Author: Red Burtt
