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Location: Maine, United States

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Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Check The Seat Before You Sit

Jesus, another toilet seat story in the news, this one involves Home Depot.
A man who was shopping in there had to use the men’s room, after his bowels had moved the happy customer tried to twist over onto his left side (he was right handed) to clean himself, he found that his buttock wouldn’t come up off the seat, he then tried to yank his side up off the seat he felt a sharp stinging pain and he then realized something was very wrong, oh yes, this guy was in trouble, somebody had put a layer of adhesive all around the toilet seat, the mans ass was stuck to the toilet seat.

This poor sap waited 20 minutes before somebody else came into the toilet, he yelled from the stall and asked the other customer if he would inform one of Home Depot’s male employees that he was sitting on a toilet seat and that he had a problem, ha, ha, ha, Jesus I wish I was there.

The employee arrived and sized up the situation then said, I’ll be right back, he didn’t return for about 25 minutes he went all through the store telling all the other employees about the guy who was stuck on the toilet seat, when he came back he had a bucket and about 15 other people with him, he opened the stall door and the poor bastard who was stuck on the seat had all these people trying to get a look at him, some of these people were in the next stalls standing on those seats looking over the partitions at his ass, several people left because of the odor, two female employees had fist fight while they were trying to get a look at this guys ass.

The employee with the bucket told the “poor bastard” to bend over towards his knees, then the employee emptied the bucket on the guys ass and the seat, the “poor bastard” started screaming and crying, the dummy moron employee threw Hot Water all over the guys ass.

Finally one of the employees who was a Grammar School Graduate decided it was time to call the Fire Dept, when they arrived the “poor bastard” was crying and calling for his mother, one of the Firefighters put on his mask and then removed the toilet seat, the “poor bastard” was in so much pain and he was so excited that he jumped up and ran out of the men’s room into the store he was holding his pants up with one hand and running all over Home Depot waving his other arm and screaming with a toilet seat stuck to his ass.

They caught up with him and took him to the hospital where they removed the seat and a lot of his skin came off with it, the operating room was crowded with nurses who wanted watch the removal of the seat, the “poor bastard” was still crying, many of the nurses were holding their noses and laughing.

This guy is suing Home Depot for Three Million Dollars, I hope he gets it.

Author: Red Burtt


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