Red Burtts Place

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Location: Maine, United States

ATTENTION: Print some of my Blogs up for your children, tell them to take them to school and have their teacher read them aloud to the whole class. To read some of my longer stories click on “VIEW MY COMPLETE PROFILE” at the end of this message then under My Blogs Click On “Red Burtts Storys". Save it if you wish in your favorites, I may be writing about you someday. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ E-Mail Me At

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

I have just noticed that there are quite a few Comments posted on "The Blog" that I have never answered, I am sorry, I'm getting old half the time I forget what I have even posted....
Thank you all for the comments, especially the Greasy Village people...
Red Burtt

Monday, January 24, 2011


We have a "Speech Therapist" that visits our home, he stutters.

Sunday, January 02, 2011

Bad News

When I was Fifty Five years of
age I had a Hernia repaired.
The day I was being discharged
the Doctor took my wife and
myself into the Hospital Chapel
and told me I only had Forty Two
years to live.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Crotch Stuff

The cops stopped a women for speeding she had some drugs in her Crotch she said "those aren't mine"

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

Barney Franks Underwear

The Barney Frank election committee plans on holding a Dinner/Dance party tonight (election night) Barney is all excited he really believes he’s going to win, my sources have been speaking with his people and we are starting to find out that Barney plans to attend the gala wearing ladies underwear and that isn’t all, he has chosen a beautiful Rose Colored Mini Skirt matched by a light maroon blouse with flowers, he will also wear imported Chinese Silk Stockings held in place by a Fur Lined slim garter belt, Barney prefers garter belts to panty hose, Barney said that when he and his good friend Uncle Teddy Kennedy used to dance Uncle Teddy used to like to run his hand up under Barney’s dress and snap his garter belt, tears came to Barney’s eyes as told this little intimate story about his old friend but he was smiling.

Barney said ‘win or lose tonight will be a fun night’

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Devil

Burtts News
October 28,2010

A man woke up in the middle of the night, he was naked, he started to walk towards the bathroom, his wife woke up and saw his naked body walking across the room in the dark, she became frightened and started screaming that The Devil was in her room, she scared the shit out of her husband, he panicked and instead of going into the bathroom he ran into the living room screaming about the Devil, his wife was also still screaming that The Devil was in the house, there were several people in the living room watching TV they all jumped up two of them ran out into a hallway three others jumped off the third floor balcony injuring them all and killing a two month old baby.


Monday, December 07, 2009

Xmas With Gram & Gramp

Overnight Visit For Xmas Holiday:
Not to many years ago when we visited any of our children and spent some time there sleeping overnight this is what we would usually bring with us.
Clean Underwear change for each day
Bacon & Eggs
Chinese Food
Couple Of Cases Of Beer
Couple Of Gallons Of Wine
My Favorite Pillow

Today I am 83 years old, my wife is 80, we are going to spend a few days this Christmas with my daughters family, these are the things we will bring with us now.
Two Wheelchairs
My Crutches
My Wife’s Cane
A Porta Potty For My Wife (bedside)
A Urine Bottle For Me (bedside)
A Raised Toilet Seat With Handles
A Walker To Grab When Rising From Toilet Seat
Two Little Buckets To Put Our Teeth In At Night
Ear Plugs (so we can’t hear each other snore)
Blood Pressure Pills (his & hers)
Cranberry Pills (for bladder)
Prune Juice (induce bowel movement)
Aspirin (in case of chest pains)
Prilosec Pills (heartburn & esophagus)
Adult Diapers (his & hers)
There's a long, long trail a-winding
Into the land of my dreams
Where the nightingales are singing
And a white moon beams:
There's a long, long night of waiting
Until my dreams all come true;
Till the day when I'll be going down
That long, long trail with you.