Noise

When a man reaches a certain age he seems to be more content in quiet surroundings, he is now retired, the noise of the workplace are gone, the children are grown and gone, the barking dog is dead, this man has earned the right to live out his life in a peaceful quiet dignified manner.

I am such a man, but I have a problem, I have a wife that makes noise.

This women will get up out of her chair in the middle of a movie, she will go out into the kitchen to heat tea water in the microwave, then it starts, the sounds coming from that kitchen can be heard for at least two miles away. She slams the drawer open, then she slams it shut, she slams the microwave door shut, then she opens a drawer to look for a spoon, instead of gently selecting a spoon, she rummages, then she slams the drawer shut again, when the water is heated she grabs the cup causing the microwave turntable to come off it's runner, the noise she makes trying to get it back in place is unbearable.
Now she heads for the refrigerator, she grabs the door and yanks, everything in the door rattles, on top of that she always drops something loudly on the floor, then she curses. When she returns to the refrigerator she slams the door so all the things on top of the refrigerator shake and many times fall.
When our cat was alive and saw my wife headed for the kitchen this cat would race upstairs to escape this noisy horror. (This cat died of a heart attack, right on our kitchen floor).

Well the tea is made, she now heads back into the living room to watch the movie, every muscle in my body is twitching, my right leg is trembling, my nose is running and I have urinated in my pants.
"There will be peace in the valley, some day"
Author: Red Burtt