I am to busy to dream up crap to write so I am "Reposting" a "Wal-Mart Story" I actually ran into this women that the story is about in a super market, she was even screaming and hacking and spitting in there, if this women is married imagine what that man has to go through. Read on, you'll see.
By the way, speaking of Wal-Mart, these "Vermin" are not saying "Merry CHRISTmas this year, they are saying happy holidays, if you have to enter one of these wretched stores and one of those blue vested morons tells you to have a Happy Holiday tell them to "Go Have Sex With Themselves"
Monday, January 31, 2005
How May I Help You:
“HEY, YOU HAVE A GOOD ONE, HAW, HAW, HAW, HA, HA, HA, GAG, ARRRGHH, COUGH, WHEEZE, SPLUTTER”If you should ever have the misfortune to visit the Wal Mart in North Conway NH those will be the last words you will hear ringing in your ears, screamed at you by a “Blue Vested Women” as you leave the store. If you are smart you will look straight ahead and ignore her remarks about “the weather”. Under no circumstances talk or even look at this horrible women that told you to “have a good one”.The awful old bitch that bellowed this out as you were about to walk out the door has been stationed at the exit to supposedly give you the feeling that Wal Mart is saying goodbye to you and thanking you for shopping in their stinking store. The real reason she is there is to try and see if you have stolen anything, (she would like nothing better than to find something wrong with your purchase) then she could show her “Weasel Boss” what a great job she was doing, why she may even be named “Associate Of The Month”, she really believes she is an “FBI AGENT”. If you are crazy enough to stop and talk to this women she will constantly be “SCANNING” your order with her little sneaky beady eyes while she tells you about the rain that is headed our way, then she will cough on you.This “Wal Mart Brown Nosing Stool Pigeon” is a short dumpy women in her late Sixties or early Seventies, she wears slacks that have been tailored at home, the pants have been cut short to fit her dwarf like legs, she wears the “Blue Vest” and on the back of the vest printed in large white letters are the words “HOW MAY I HELP YOU”. She likes to show off by jumping around and grabbing shopping carts and putting them away, when she does this she makes sure that she looks all around to see who is watching her then she smiles and screams “DID YOU FIND EVERYTHING OK, HA, HA, HA, COUGH, WHEEZE, DRIP”she then gives them a look that says “Wal Mart Needs Me”.This women screams when she talks and she has a raspy voice, the kind that some smokers or whiskey drinkers develop, she also coughs a lot. I would personally like to walk up behind her and smash the back of her neck in with my cane.On a recent trip to this wretched store, (I only go into a Wal Mart when it is absolutely necessary) I had to sit on a bench in front of the Exit waiting for my wife who couldn’t bring herself to leave until she had touched every item in the building. While shopping with my wife I have actually seen her read the label on a “Tire Pump”, if I should ask her, “do you need a Tire Pump” she will just look at me with a “glazed look” in her eyes, then she moves on. So on this day I decided to sit and wait.I like to sit around and do nothing, so today I decided to sit around and do nothing on a bench that is located right in front of the Exit at the Conway Wal Mart, I also decided to watch this women perform her duty’s as a professional “Pain In The Ass” while I sat around and did nothing.When I am away from home I like to watch people as I sit around doing nothing. Before my wife walked away she asked, “what are you going to do while you are sitting around doing nothing” I replied, “nothing”, she looked at me for a moment, then vanished.The first time I heard “the animal scream” I came close to falling right off the bench, I had glanced away for a moment to look at a thirty five year old women’s legs when it happened, first it started with a slight growling noise, then came a raspy cough, then the bomb, “HEY, YOU HAVE A GOOD ONE, HA, HA, HA, HAW, HAW, GULP, WHEEZE, SNORT, COUGH, GAG”. Jesus Jumping H Christ Almighty, everybody in the store turns and looks at her, she bellows this out at every human being that is leaving the store. She scares the shit out of some of them.Don’t feel sorry for some of these “OLD” people that work for Wal Mart, some of them are retired Dentists, Doctors, Airline Pilots, and Bus Drivers. They all have the same story when you ask them why they work there, “oh I have to keep busy” “oh I’ll never stop working” “oh what would I do” “oh I’m 96 years old, people tell me I only look 70” “oh I’ll never retire” the most often heard is, “oh, if I stop working I’ll die”. Ass Holes.Retire means Retire, no more work, you have worked all your life, you have spent forty some odd years getting out of bed and “working”, waiting for the “week end” waiting for the “vacation”, now you have the “BIG VACATION” you can lay in bed, you can watch TV at ten in the morning, you can go fishing, you can sit out in your yard and drink beer, you can think about the guys you used to work with, they are working, you don’t have to, you can sit on your porch and pat your puppy.No, don’t pity some of these Idiots that work in Wal Mart with their little blue vests on that say, “How May I Help You”, they can probably buy and sell you. My way of looking at these fools that have to rush right out and get another job the day they retire is, “They Are Taking That Job Away From Somebody That Really Needs It”If I HAD to work in Wal Mart and I was working beside a “Retired Dentist” I would punch his teeth out.For Gods sake, when you retire, “Retire”.Back To The Foghorn:Well I sat for 35 minutes listening to that women scream, cough, hack, wheeze and spit. Finally my dear wife was here, now I had a good Idea, my wife knew nothing of this Screaming Banshee, I positioned myself so that my wife would have to walk right by this women, as we got closer, I edged closer to my wife forcing her to get within about two feet of the “Bellowing Bitch”, I made sure she saw us, I looked the other way, then she zeroed in on my poor wife, she waited until my wife was right beside her and then she let loose, “COUGH, HEY, YOU HAVE A GOOD ONE, COUGH HA, HA, HA, HO, HO, HO, DID YOU FIND EVERYTHING, COUGH, GURGLE, SNOTS, SPLUTTER AARRGGGHHH”My wife jumped fifteen feet in the air, she turned white, outside she said to me, “did you hear that women” I replied, “what women”.A short while later on the drive home we were both silent for about twenty minutes, I then turned to my wife and said, “How May I Help You”, she looked out the window and muttered, “stupid idiot”.Author: Red Burtt.
