Things you can't make up.

A man somewhere in America was mad, he was mad at his neighbor, finally he got so mad he went into her apartment and stabbed her to death.

You might ask, "why was he mad" he was mad because she wouldn't stop slamming her front door, so he disemboweled her with a steak knife.

Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high.
Author: Red Burtt

A Hunting We Will Go

The Vice President Of The United States Of America put his shotgun to his shoulder and aimed it at a little birdie, he pulled the trigger, the little birdie didn’t fall to the ground, the Vice Presidents friend fell to the ground, the Vice President shot his friend in the face. “SO WHAT”.

Each year thousands of hunters shoot their dogs, their horses, their houses, their cars, their Mothers, their kids, their cats, their refrigerators, their cows, their chickens, and THEMSELVES.

ENTER THE BUSH HATING NEWS MEDIA:
By God we got him now, finally, BUT WHY DIDN’T CHENEY PUT HIS GUN DOWN AND CALL DICK GREGORY OF NBC RIGHT AWAY AND SAY “HI DICK, IT’S ME, THE VICE PRESIDENT, I JUST SHOT ONE OF MY FRIENDS IN THE FACE, I THOUGHT YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE THE FIRST TO KNOW.”

Dick Gregory and the “Bush Hating Media” went insane at the White House Press Conference, their hair was messed up, they were drooling and spitting, some were on the verge of collapse, this Vice President Cheney had the Gaul to call the Paramedics before he called them.

Well anyway they are going to try again, maybe they can “Get Bush” on this one. Below are some of things this gang of “news hounds” has tried to nail the Hated Bush on.

DUI
Desertion
AWOL
Falling out of bed drunk and getting a black eye.
Causing Hurricanes that kill Black People
Having Osama Bin Laden to family cookouts.
Bombing the Pentagon
Causing 9/11
Stealing the election once.
Stealing the election twice. (hee, hee, twice)
Now they are going to try and blame him for Cheney shooting a guy in the face.
Nothing sticks though, Bush drives the Hater Media insane.

Uncle Teddy hasn’t had to much to say about Cheney’s hunting trip, I wonder why? (Uncle Teddy Uses A Car Not A Gun)

The victim of the Bird Hunting Shoot has had a slight turn for the worse, he has had a small heart attack, if this poor man should die the “Sore Losing Bush Haters” Will Have A Field Day.

Funeral For The “Bird Man”
If this guy dies Cindy Sheehan will be at the cemetery gates weeping and fainting for the cameras.

Hollywood will start making a movie about it the day after the funeral.

John "Fonda" Kerry will wear his medals to the Wake.

Jimmy "Sissy" Carter will have to be sedated.

Uncle Teddy will get drunk and drive his car through a Liquor Store window.

Billy Blue Dress and his “Powerful Wife” will attend the funeral, he will be biting his lip, Lovely Hillary will be nodding her head, and she will be wearing a "Black Pant Suit".

Jessie Jackoff & Harry Belafonte will be screaming and spitting, Al Sharpton will be on his knees screaming and spitting.

Back at the White House, Bush will take Cheney's gun away from him.

What a day this will be for the "Sore Losing Bush Haters"
"WE GOT HIM NOW"
Author: Red Burtt

Face Lift Anyone "ARGAHHHHH"

It’s all over the news this week, a women has had the worlds first “Face Transplant”
Hee hee, hee

Her husband got drunk, she came home from the hospital and they went to bed.

Her husband looked at her and said, “this is the first time I have ever cheated on my wife”, she replied, “I am your wife”, he then said, “you don’t look like my wife”, she said “the doctor said the same thing” the husband said, “he did” she said, “my doctor looks just like you”, he said, “who does the doctors wife look like” she said, “I don’t know but the doctor told me I looked like his wife’s sister”, “did you sleep with the doctor” the husband asked, “yes” she said, “I thought it was you”, that means the doctor thought he was sleeping with his sister in law, “I guess so” she said, “does the doctors mother look like you” she answered, “I don’t know, I don’t look like I used to”.

Ha, ha, ha the husband started laughing and then said, "I'm not your husband, I’m the doctor you Idiot” the wife jumped up on the bureau naked and started yelling, “I'm not your wife you sap bastard, I changed my face I’m my husbands brother”

“Mommy”
“Shut up kid, I’m not your mother, that’s your mother over there”
“She doesn’t look like my Mommy”
“She had her face changed”
“Oh, hi Mommy”
“I’m not your mommy anymore, I’m your Daddy”
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The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people going by
I see friends shaking hands saying "How do you do.
"They really say: "I love you!"
Author: Red Burtt

It's coming right through here Fred!

"He bought a dog leash"
"So what"?
"He hasn't got a dog"