My Wife

I am married to a woman who at times comes out with the strangest things I have ever heard in my life and thats the strange thing about the whole thing she doesn't think what she says is strange.

We went to the supermarket today, I didn't need anything so I didn't go in, if I needed something I would have had gone in, my wife won't buy anything for me, when she gets out of the car she will ask me "do you want anything" if I said yes she would walk away mumbling something about "the shit I eat" I yelled out the window "get me some doughnuts" she didn't get them.

The Strange Things She Says:
Today was the day that another of her dumbfounding remarks would just come out of nowhere.
There is a storm coming, when these storms are predicted housewives race out of the house and buy whole shopping carts full of toilet paper.

On our way home I said to my wife "was it crowded in there" without batting an eye she said "I don't know"

This is the same women who once told me that when she dies she doesn't want an Undertaker touching her body, I asked her "how the hell are you going to stop that" she said she was "going to bury herself"

I am not making this stuff up.

Author; Red Burtt