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ATTENTION: Print some of my Blogs up for your children, tell them to take them to school and have their teacher read them aloud to the whole class. To read some of my longer stories click on “VIEW MY COMPLETE PROFILE” at the end of this message then under My Blogs Click On “Red Burtts Storys". Save it if you wish in your favorites, I may be writing about you someday. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ E-Mail Me At redburtt@yahoo.com

Friday, April 22, 2005

Easy Money-No Taxes

While sitting in a parking lot looking at a Supermarket these thoughts crossed my mind.
“MONEY”, “Liberal Democrats” “Dunkin Doughnut Coffee Cups” “Old Sneakers” “False Teeth” “Dirty Shirts” and again, “Money”, yes, these are some of the things I thought of.

As I have stated before on here, I grew up in the City Of Cambridge Massachusetts, Cambridge has over the last forty years or so become one of the “Looniest Kooky Left Wing” cities in America, second only to “ San Francisco and Berkley California”.

The city of Cambridge has a “Condom Machine” in the lobby of City Hall. They refuse to watch “Fox News” because they believe that Fox News, The Bush administration and the CIA have come up with a secret device that allows the government and Bill O’Reilly to spy on them through their TV sets.

When the Kooky Left Wing Liberals that live in Cambridge engage in sexual activities or when they are shoving Coke up their noses, they turn their TV’s off. (CIA can’t watch them)

These people are infatuated with Winos, Bums, Third World Degenerates, and anybody that can’t speak English. Cambridge is loaded with “Do-Gooders”.

I have come upon an idea on how a God fearing, law abiding, patriotic gentleman such as myself can capitalize on the "ding dong" “Bleeding Hearts”

I am going to let my beard grow for two weeks, just enough to make it look “raunchy”. I have old sneakers, I will cut holes in them so that my deformed toes are visible, I have teeth missing, I will leave them missing, I have a filthy “John Deere Tractor Cap”, I will wear it, I will wear one white sock and one blue sock (dirty), I will wear filthy dirty rotten pants that are too long for my legs, by doing this, I can pull them up so that they are under my armpits, I will use a piece of clothes-line for a belt. I will also wear a dirty white tee shirt that is XXX large, I will print on the front and back of this tee shirt with a Magic Marker the words “God Bless Jimmy Carter”.

On the front of my “rotten tee-shirt” just over my heart I will pin on a “Used Condom” and let it hang down, underneath it I will pin a small sign that says “Prevent AIDS”. I will be carrying a large, empty, “Dunkin Doughnut Cup”.

I will Park my Car on Mt Auburn St, then after carefully scanning the area and when I think no one will be noticing, I will emerge quickly and walk around the corner onto Massachusetts Avenue.

I will then position myself on Mass Avenue in a spot where I assume the most foot traffic will be.

Now the most important part of this whole operation will take place.
I have bad legs, I have “Arm Crutches”, I will stand with one arm crutch and use my free hand to hold out the empty Dunkin Doughnut Coffee cup. I will just stand there, staring into space. Now do you understand what I am going to do? I am going to “Panhandle”, The City Of Cambridge loves these stinking Wino bums.

Every Batty, Left Wing, Liberal, Anti American, Flag Burning, Bush Hating, Looney Screwball that passes by me will throw money into this “Doughnut Cup”, Harvard Square is loaded with them. I would guess that by just standing there looking like a “Smelly Bum” could make a person $500 per day. (Twitching and Blinking could possibly help, moreso with old female "Looney Liberals")

The Police won’t bother you, the Liberals in City Hall would sue them if they did, they would lose their homes, when a Police Car drives by the Cops just look the other way. (The Cops don't want to touch these people they are afraid of the "Ebola Virus")

If you should bring some of you’re out of town friends to Harvard Sq, and you see a “smelly wino” with a Condom hanging off his tee shirt, “SMILE”.

Author: Red Burtt

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