Jimmy Donk

I bet you all know somebody like this, a guy who walks into mirrors, takes cereal off a shelf in the store and pulls down about 23 other boxes with it, trips and falls about 6 times a week, killed his own cat with his lawn mower, can’t find his car when he comes out of the Mall, try’s to get in somebody else’s car because he thinks it looks like his, goes to a house party and snoops in the medicine cabinet while he is zipping up his fly and all the pills come crashing out into the sink, urinates on the floor while he is trying to see if there is any Viagra in the medicine cabinet, wets himself before he gets to the bathroom and then stays in there for an hour trying to dry his pants, he doesn’t know how to whisper and he says the “F” word in church when his daughter is getting married, his daughter the priest and all the people in the front row hear him, he loudly breaks wind in the movie house, when the movie is over he drags his coat over the women’s head in front of him, he’s always smiling, his wife cheats on him, every dog he has ever met has tried to bite him, kids hate him, his wife hates him, God hates him and when he was born the doctor slapped his mothers face.
I worked with this guy, he took his ex wifes mother to a Fair up in NH, a horse got loose, he tried to catch the horse, he fell down, the horse turned around and came back then kicked him in the face, he died instantly, a fat women fainted at his wake and knocked the casket off the table, his body fell out on the floor, the body didn't have any pants on, the Undertaker stole them, some at the wake screamed, others laughed.

Keep Your Hand Upon The Throttle
And Your Eye Upon The Rail
Author: Red Burtt