Mr Seal-Also Uncle Teddy

Mother Nature And Mr Seal: By Red Burtt

This is dedicated to Do-Gooders throughout the world, I have always said that “the biggest enemy an environmental do-gooder has, is Mother Nature”. The little story below that I dreamed up while watching the tide come in bears me out on this profound fact. By God.

A group of hand wringing, pasty faced, Liberals strolling the shoreline found a large seal on a beach down in Cape Cod Massachusetts, the Seal was old, sick and very tired, experts said the Seal beached itself to die, they say it wanted to die. Somehow the "Blubbering Sobbing Save The World Activists" got their little hands on Mr Seal, they slaughtered some little fish and fed him, they all stood around sipping their white wine and pouring sea water over his body and patted him and told each other what a great thing this was that they were doing, they said God was smiling down on them. They all kissed and hugged each other. After spending about $15,000 on Mr Seal and taking photos, they decided it was time for Mr Seal to return to the sea. (all Mr Seal wanted to do was die).
They came to the conclusion that this seal would be better off if released in the colder northern waters. Another $10,000. They took him somewhere up near Iceland, they also brought several cases of White Wine, Cheese, and a lot of Cameras. The big day finally came, “Pop The Corks”, “Cut The Cheese”, “Load The Cameras”, Jesus this was great, some in the crowd were becoming sexually aroused. Mrs Twittlebaum was the leader of this group of ass holes so she was given the privilege of opening the cage. (Mrs Twittlebaum always boasted that she once touched Jimmy carters arm at a Spotted Owl Convention)
Mrs. Twittlebaum proudly posed for the cameras then opened the cage. Out waddled Mr Seal, the Granola Eating Kooks were all singing "We Shall Overcome", then several of the squealing wacko’s started crying. Mr. Seal finally realizing that these babbling morons were not going to let him die in peace swam off, then it happened, JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY, a Killer Whale the size of a two story building came up out of the water and grabbed Mr Seal by the head and started to thrash, chew, and chomp, blood and guts were washing ashore, Mr Seals head went flying fifty feet in the air, Mrs Twittlebaum urinated in her polyester shorts then passed out, the ass holes stopped singing, the Orgasms stopped, one of the Winos, wearing a “Vote For Gore” tee shirt was running up and down the beach waving one of Mr Seals bloody Flippers and screaming “call 911”, many more had fainted, they were lying in the mud with the wine, cameras, cheese and seal guts. Then, silence.
Off in the distance, the killer whale was happily frolicking in the waves; this was a great day to be a whale.

MOTHER NATURE HAS TO SHOW THE POLITICALLY CORRECT LIBERAL DO-GOODER WHO IS BOSS EVERY NOW AND THEN.

Sep 2004:
NOTES FROM RED BURTTS "UNCLE TEDDY WATCHERS"
Uncle Teddy (Kennedy) once passed out (Vodka) on the beach in Hyannisport, he was laying on his back with his mouth open as though in a coma. A group of these whining, liberal goof ball Democrat "Kerry People" saw him and started pouring sea water all over his body, some were patting him and praying, they thought he was a white whale.

Sep 2004:
There have been no reports this summer of Uncle Teddy falling out of his boat, there was however, an unconfirmed report of Uncle Teddy driving his Mothers antique Oldsmobile up and down the sidewalks of Hyannis. It was also reported that he was naked and that his Sister Eunices dog was with him, the dog had his head out the window barking at the pedestrians, some of the tourists were
applauding and screaming "We Love You Teddy, God Bless you".

Just In Oct 11 2004,
Uncle Teddy and Michael Moore were seen kissing and dancing to-gether at a secluded night spot in Washington DC. Michael wasn't wearing his baseball hat. There was no comment on this from Uncle Teddys office.